Anxious existing ๐Ÿ’Ÿ๐Ÿ•‰

For years and until this day fear rules my world in an unhealthy way. While there was a moment not so long ago I realized it was not so bad as it was, the kind of anxiety emerged this week. Even at this moment. But nevertheless I do realize that yoga helped me to recover from the bad habits I had to cope with these attacks. Perhaps thatโ€™s why I was so tired for a while. It was not just the physical exercise but also the emotional work out I asked myself over and over again. I had to achieve in everything and it became to much. So, even though I am having a bad week, I am able to do my yoga practice daily. So I am growing. That the anxiety is still existing thatโ€™s something I have to accept and deal with it. But in a healthy and wiser way, I try, I cope, I learn every day. Hoping it will al be better. Good night and namaste ~๐Ÿ’Ÿ๐Ÿ•‰๐Ÿ’Ÿ~ #yoga #anxiety #anxietyawareness #anxietysupport #yogaanxietyrelease #yogaforanxiety #panic #emotions #yogaheals #yogahealth #yogahealing #yogahearthealing #healing #soul

Not perfect, just better

Today I was thinking about the unnatural feeling of balance. When we try to heal, we enter a stage that could be more healthy. However, the unfamiliarity can make this feeling uncomfortable. With the risk we can fall back in our previous unhealthy behaviors.

Since a couple of weeks I am trying to eat more healthy. Be more aware about my schedules and yoga exercises. I feel better in a way. For example, I do not have the stomach aches I had before. So it seems that my new food habits are better for my indigestion. Furthermore, it seems I am more balanced mentally. It’s not perfect, just better. I must admit that.

Unfortunately, the anxiety doesn’t go away, I can control it more. I am aware. At this moment, when I am writing this piece, I have a headache. A headache that’s there for like a month. I am used to it now. In the past, I quit doing the healthy stuff. With the idea, that it didn’t work anyhow. Now I want to continue what I am doing, because it can get me at a place that could be better for me. Whether it’s for work or personally, eating healthy and training focused, can contribute to a new and better lifestyle in the longer term.

Ladies like Layla and Jacky are also unfamiliar with positivity. Layla doesn’t know what to do now, when she has a great assignment ahead of her. She has the chance of a lifetime. Jacky has found the lover of her life. Both are afraid of the happiness in their lives. They accept it with all tears and pain, but they continue. They know this positivity can be a contribution for them for a lifetime.

So even though this good that is happening to you feels unnatural. It can be a good thing. It could be the reason to hold on to a better lifestyle, to take you to a better place. And if you can’t see that better place, just see where you are now. The good thing that is in front of you. It could be the reason to keep going, so this good thing can turn into something wonderful.

Kind freedom

Kindness. It’s an act that can mean so much for a person. Thoughtfulness. Empathy. Three beautiful actions that can make our world better. Instead, there are people trying to break others. Just to feel better about themselves. With the use of hatred, disgust and disrespect. Even writing those words are hard for me, but it’s the sad truth.

In my life I have known a lot of anger in me. I felt angry and sad, thinking people didn’t get me. Thinking I didn’t belong, which I wanted so badly. Around the age of 16 I realized I didn’t want to belong. I learned to be happy by myself. The anger wasn’t gone, but the desire to belong disappeared. It gave me a sense of freedom.

Something I didn’t see with the people around me. They always belonged somewhere and became afraid of losing their place in their crowd.

I hoped that sense of freedom also freed me from the unkind actions of those persons, but it didn’t and it never will. At this moment I am determined to stay kind. However, I still need to find a way to cope with the actions of the unkind and hatred. I even wonder if I ever want to cope. Because certainly hatred isn’t something I want to give in to. Perhaps staying calm and kind is the best way to fight the evil. Even when the results aren’t what you were hoping for. You were you, kind and that’s all that matters in the end.

Create my picture

This website is like my public diary. Everything I write is written from my heart and soul. Whether it is a fictional story, a short blog or my poetry. It’s all me. It’s all Vera. Or Verawaty. Or Pherawaty. It’s all me. That is why I can be proud on this website. It’s my accomplishment. Which is also the scary part. Everyone can read what went through my mind.

How can I write about sadness and grief? How can I write about love and deceit? Did I experience it? And how did I experience it? As the victim? Or was I the cause?

Neither of those questions will be answered. It will take all the mystery away that makes me me. Little by little I will unravel some elements. You have to read further than the words, sentences and chapters on my website. The LVCH fairytales. LVCH Magazine I should call it.

Not a website, but a magazine. I have to name it, to believe it. The LVCH Magazine is full of mystery, beauty and courage. All characters are women to be proud of. Women you want to be. With their mysteries and their flaws. I can say, they are all part of me. With them I show you pieces from my puzzle. If you find them, tell me. I don’t have the original picture for you. It’s on me and you to create the whole image, that’s called me.

๐ŸŒธ๐Ÿ’‹ Verawaty